2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. pupusas right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
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4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?” No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the pupusas floor.
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6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
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7. When something is ‘new and improved!’ Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.
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8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest pupusas thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
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9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet? ” If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.

Proof by forward reference:

Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first.

Proof by funding:

How could three different government agencies be wrong?

Proof by example:

The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.

Proof by omission:

“The reader may easily supply the details” or “The other 253 cases are analogous”
Proof by deferral:

“We’ll prove this later in the course”.

Proof by picture:

A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well with proof by omission.

Proof by intimidation:

“Trivial.”

Proof by adverb:

“As is quite clear, the elementary aforementioned statement is obviously valid.”

Proof by seduction:

“Convince yourself that this is true! ”

Proof by cumbersome notation:

Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.

Proof by exhaustion:

An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.

Proof by obfuscation:

A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.

Proof by wishful citation:

The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.

Proof by eminent authority:

“I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP- complete.”

Proof by personal communication:

“Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete [Karp, personal communication].”

Proof by reduction to the wrong problem:

“To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.”

Proof by reference to inaccessible literature:

The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883.

Proof by importance:

A large body of useful consequences all follow from the proposition in question.

Proof by accumulated evidence:

Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.

Proof by cosmology:

The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.

Proof by mutual reference:

In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A.

Proof by metaproof:

A method is given to construct the desired proof. The correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques.

Proof by vehement assertion:

It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the audience.

Proof by ghost reference:

Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in the reference given.

Proof by semantic shift:

Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for the statement of the result.

Proof by appeal to intuition:

Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.

Source of this funny ways to prove things (funny math jokes) via http://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

The estimate of a woman is much more accurate than a man’s certainty.

Most women have to enemies all the other women, most Men have the other men as allies.

I do not deny that women are foolish, God Almighty created them so that they match the men.

Women talk and talk they want respectively, while a man will only talk when something outside of him to talk drives – for example, that he can not find any clean socks.

Sure some millionaires owe their success to their wives, but most women owe their success.

Only so-called unobtrusive women experience true love; striking beauties are usually too busy with their own sex appeal.

It is commonly said, the most beautiful woman in the world can not give as she has;
this is all wrong. They are just as much as you think to receive, because this determines the value of the gift of imagination.

Some woman crying because she did not get the man of her dreams, and some crying because she got him.

The claim that no man could ever love the same woman is so absurd as the claim that a fiddler need for the same piece of music more violins.

The whole hype emancipation did not change this, that women make themselves nicely to please men.

To leave a woman is to leave even the man she has done to you.

The woman belongs behind the stove and the stove belongs alongside the marriage bed.

Marriage is an attempt to be ready for two of the problems that we alone would never have had.

I was the best I ever had.

I do not understand why more people are bisexual. It would offer a chance to double up on a date on Saturday night.

Sex is dirty only if it’s done right.

Sex between two people is wonderful. With fives it is downright fantastic.

Let me tell you a great story about oral contraception. I asked this girl if she wants to sleep with me, and she said: No!

I believe in sex and death – both experiences that you only do once in your life.

The last time I entered a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

A gentleman is a man who protects a woman until he is alone with her.

Nice if they found a woman for life. Even better, if you know a few more.

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers would determine who among them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest that thing you know?” Mike, the American, replied, “A THOUGHT. It comes without any warning; It just pops into your head. A thought is the fastest thing that I know..” “That’s very good!” replied the interviewer.

“And now you sir?” he asked Vladimir, the Russian. “Hmm…. let me see.

A blink! It comes and goes without you knowing that it ever happens. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.” “Excellent!” said the interviewer.

“The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.”

He then turned to Matthew, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, the light in the barn comes on way out across the pasture. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.” The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light,” he said.

Turning to Romario, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Romario replied, “Apter herring da 3 preybyus ansers sir, et’s obyus to me dat the fastest thing is Diarrhea.” “WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats…”Oh, I can expleyn sir,”

said Romario. “You see, sir, da ader day my istumach was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the bathroom, but bepore I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, sir, I had alreydi shet in my pants!”

Romario is now the new “Greeter” at Wal-Mart.

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

“Beautiful has nothing to do with looks. It’s how you are as a person and how you make others feel about themselves.” – Unknown

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”- Leo Tolstoy

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”- Margaret Hungerford

“A smile is the best makeup a girl can wear.”

“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.”

“Believe me, if i looked good, it’s not an accident.” – Nora Ephron

“I’m tired of all the nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep
enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?”- Jean Kerr

“Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.”- Confucius

“If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.”

“You create beauty with your attitude, your behavior, your actions. Its all up to you.”

“Beauty is being the best possible version of yourself on the inside and out.”

“Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty – they merely
move it from their faces into their hearts.”- Martin Buxbaum

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That or a kick-ass red lipstick.” -Gwyneth Paltrow

“It is not beauty that endears; it’s love that makes us see beauty.”- Leo Tolstoy

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.” – Dorothy Parker

“Beauty is NOT defined by the size of your jeans but by the size of your heart. ”

“She got her looks from her father. He is a plastic surgeon.”

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius And its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn

“Beauty is a curse on the world. It keeps us from seeing who the real monsters are.”

“When you fall for someone’s personality everything about them becomes beautiful.”

“Beauty can be bold or natural, but it always has to be in harmony with the individual.” – Katysonril

“I always find beauty in things that are odd, imperfect, they are much more interesting.”- Marc Jacobs

“Some people look for a beautiful place, others make a place beautiful.” – Hazbat Khan

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.” – Ms. Piggy

“Whats the beauty of a gift when it’s left unwrapped for the whole world to explore?”

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A smile is a light in the window of the soul, indicating that the heart is at home.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

After being disappointed so many times, you start to lose hope in everything.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Common sense is not a gift, its a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it

Things I’m good at: pushing people away, sleeping, screwing everything up, forgetting to text back

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

I need a girl whose name doesn’t end in .JPG

My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke. I attached payslip on the first slide…………

Making some changes to my life. Please leave a message and in case I don’t get back, then know that you are one of the changes.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices… You are one of them ….

Never gamble what you ccan’t afford to lose ……

A mother makes her son “gentle” in 20 years….. But a girl makes him “mental” in 20 minutes…

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A friend gives you a shoulder to lean on when you cry, a true friend has a shovel ready to hit the person who made you cry over the head.

Friend is the one who walks in when others walk out

Waters may dry..flowers may die..but true friends will never say goodbye…
A best friend will always find a way to love you even when you have done something that u cannot fix.

Good friend put a smile on your face, great friends make you crackup do hard you practically pee your pants

The best love is waking up to your best friend everyday!

The most beautiful discovery best friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

The best time to make friends is before you need them

There are 3 faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.

If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky.

A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” – Maya Angelou

“Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.” – Mohandas Gandhi

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman
scorned.” – William Congreve

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” – Buddha

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.” – Aristotle

When I felt miserable, I ran fast and far until my body hurt so much that I no longer cared about anything else.

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up
’cause they’re looking for ideas.”- Paula Poundstone

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have
never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

“Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.” – Robert A. Heinlein

“Children are our most valuable resource.” – Herbert Hoover

“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.” – Martin Mull

Without children, my house would be clean and my wallet would be full, But my heart would be empty. - Unknown

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.” – Phyllis Diller

“There’s nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child.” - Frank A. Clark

“Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

From the moment they placed you in my arms you snuggled right into my heart.. – Anonymous

Small enough to hold in your arms… big enough to fill your life with happiness and love….

To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today – Barbara Johnson

Children wil not remember you for the material things you provided, but for the feeling that you cherished them. – Richard L Evans

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice .. - Peggy O’ Mara

Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one. – Glennon Melton

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. – Angela

Children are like wet cement whatever falls on them makes an impression – Dr. Haim Ginott

A post from: funny quotes and sayings